Insert Anxiety

Sometimes I forget where the last blog left off. Where was I, what was I doing? I often have to read back a blog post to catch up on my own life. The days in Canggu have been rainy and gloomy at the moment which always brings deep thought for me. Which I don’t like. As deep thought often brings anxiety. The anxiety is there for a couple of reasons, one is I have stopped taking my ashwagandha supplements for my adrenal fatigue because I want to see if it’s getting better and two because what am I doing with my life? The mid-life crisis is simmering gently waiting to fucking explode.

For those of you that know me well you know that I’m not the best at sitting still. I generally have a million ideas going on in my head and if I’m not rushing from one thing to the next I’m generally talking about rushing from one thing to the next. It’s what got me to the point of adrenal fatigue and taking drastic measures in cancelling normal life and subscribing to the nomad life. You also would know that eventually, after I have a few weeks off to relax and enjoy I would hit a point of what now? As my dear friend Verity tells me, now it’s time to do your emotional work. Ouch.

For me there’s only so many massages, yoga classes and quiet time that I can have before I feel like I’m wasting life. Every day I go between thoughts of Lynn you will never get this time back, just slow down and enjoy, to thoughts of this is the perfect timing to create something incredible so utilize the time and get to work. It doesn’t help that as we finished our dinner at a Chinese restaurant called the Happy Chappy a few nights ago I opened my fortune cookie that quite abruptly said “dreams don’t work unless you do”. Thanks universe.

So what now? I go from fleeting thoughts of how will I fund my retirement to would I look good in a McDonalds uniform? The extreme levels of thought are just that. Fucking extreme. I still have my clinic in Australia which is doing its thing and thankfully still providing an income for me. I have managed to get a little bit more creative with it, focus on my social postings and just recently interviewed three people to employ. I finally decided that I would fly back to Darwin and train two of them and then they both got cold feet. So I’m back to square one. I love indecisive people as much as I love walking through a raining Bali in thongs. I am however happy that a bit of creative flow has come back as I felt like I lost that for so long as I was often just keeping my head above water treating clients. It’s exciting that I at least have my beautiful clinic to work on and feel blessed with the staff member I currently have in Claudia.

Currently I sit in the most magnificent co working space called BWork. I highly recommend if you’re a super cool digital nomad like me and want to hang with all the other influencers. A few tips on being cool and hanging in Canggu. You must wear matching active wear, generally with some mid drift skin showing, white shoes with socks up. Ankle socks are out. You also must ride your scooter with your back in the most upright position and arms fully extended. Do not bend your arms as it is very uncool and definitely no slouching. Big sunglasses are a must, hair is generally down and no helmet is required as your headphones take that place because when you’re influencing you just don’t need to know what’s going on around you. All that matters is you. Also, you must never smile or laugh, resting bitch face is the only facial expression you should own and you definitely cannot have a child or children. They are not the best accessory. You can only smile if you are mid selfie shot or pretending to sip on your ultra organic super dooper mega health infused smoothie.

So while running the clinic from afar I find myself still researching new business ideas. As much as I think life would be easier to work for someone, I just don’t think I have it in me. The job hunting that I’ve been doing is now off the cards and I am ok with the fact that I just will not look good in someone else’s uniform. I’m also obviously still banking on my husband acing his trading game and becoming a trophy wife but that is yet to come to fruition.

Money seems to be flowing between the two of us and keeping us afloat in Bali. Considering I stop knocking people’s scooters over and having to pay for damages I think we will be ok. Still feeling for that kid and his brand new scooter but $100 was a fair deal. Our girls haven’t gone hungry and we have managed to keep a roof over our heads.

I always say to people that are moving from career to career – you have to be ok with sitting in the in between. I’ve been here before and the wondering of what next can be a lot. It’s often a time filled uncertainty. You are often ready to give up your full time work, the one that has provided for you financially but has never served your soul. It’s the feeling of taking a risk and hoping it works out because you know you just can’t do what you’re doing anymore. It’s a scary time, one generally filled with equal parts anxiety and excitement, a tonne of thoughts and usually self-doubt but it might just be that one moment in time where alignment is perfect, the universe has your back and you’re about to go all the way to the fucking moon.