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Slowing Down

Probably the one thing that frightens me the most is this. As I sit writing this post I am reflecting on my past wondering how I got myself completely wired to this fast, driven life.


I remember trying to go to university three times, I quit every time because I was just shit at it. I once got a text book and remember doubting what it was saying wondering who the fuck wrote it and why did they think that was the only way to learn about marketing. I feel like my brain has always had an entrepreneurial wiring system in it or I have always had a little rebel in me.


I started my career where basically every Territorian does, the NT Government. I did almost 10 years and in that time I started my first online business and negotiated a four day work week to invest more into the business with my business partner and best friend to this day Emelia. It was an online Groupon kind of gig for the Territory. We sold that for $50k and thought we were so rich.


I banked up 2 months and 22 days long service with NT Government. I remember a work mate telling me I should stay the extra year to get the full three months. Were they kidding? At this point my soul was slowing dying.


I took two lots of leave without pay to travel the world and spent my early days at NT Government at my desk generally recovering from my weekend. I remember some days showing up on literally no sleep and still getting my job done. I was underworked, overpaid and had zero reason to show up every day. It was soul destroying.


The Healthy Gut Centre was born and I studied and set up the entire business completely from my NT Government desk. I planned my resignation, my boss caught wind of it and took me out for lunch to offer me a higher position. I told him that the job was stealing my soul – those were the exact words. I could not and would not walk through those automatic doors, sit down at my desk and flip my desk calendar over for one more day – and so I didn’t. He asked for a week handover, I gave him a day. As I spoke to him about my soul dying he nodded in complete agreeance.


Once set up in the clinic I was itching to do more again. So I studied with the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, had a baby, had another baby, ran a business, studied Breathwork, started studying Product Management and that brings me to here. There was definitely a handful of other business ideas in that time. I probably seem quite erratic to most.


Taking a step back and being ok with just the mum role gives me slight anxiety. It shouldn’t though, being there for my kids should be my first priority but for me it’s not enough. I need more and I think it should be ok to say that because I know other mums are the same. As women, we are caught in a tough spot. The rise of the feminist has kind of kicked us in the foot. We want careers but we are still the main caregivers. We now find ourselves doing it all and are in turn completely burnt out.


I will need to really learn to slow down, which frightens the shit out of me. Bali will be a time for time. With the girls and with Noods, to reconnect as a family. Without it all being so fast paced and having a tonne of different activities and events to be at. So although I know it will take a little bit of getting used to, this Bali part must happen for us.


I will try to take every day slower, be present with the girls, be kind to myself, be ok with not having to be anywhere at any time. Challenge accepted.


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