What is normal?

What is normal? I guess it depends who you’re talking to but normal surely can’t be this. Something had to give for us. We just couldn’t have kept up with how fast the days were passing, how little we were seeing each other and how quickly our girls were growing before our eyes. Normal often felt like I was treading on water almost drowning and wondering what it was all for.

Normal for most is spending the majority of your day away from your kids, because you need to go to work to earn money to pay for the huge mortgage you have on your house that you’re rarely in because you’re working. It’s rushing around to a gazillion kids activities, social events and saving your money for that one good holiday in the year.

It’s remembering birthday’s, cooking dinners, cleaning the house, going to the gym, doing the shopping and feeling utterly fucking exhausted every single night – ready to do it the next day again.

Normal for me was watching my husband absolutely shattered after a massive day building in sauna like conditions and getting maybe 10-20 minutes of time with the kids before bed. It was feeling defeated when your kids are sick because you have to cancel your day of clients and feeling the guilt that comes with that. It’s rushing out the door in the mornings, packing lunches and bags for afternoon activities. It’s being ‘busy’ and it’s a place where at times I feel completely alone with no support or end in sight….and I know there are a lot of other people that feel like this.

It’s giving yourself over and over and over again to people and things. It’s living life through routine just doing the same shit every day.

I know this is normal because this is my normal.

Then something just gave. Noods hit a point where he just didn’t think he wanted to build anymore and our normal was looking like it was dramatically about to change. The idea of Bali was thrown in the mix and we thought fuck it, you only live once right?

I’ve often been a bit of a risk taker. I wasn’t a naughty kid in school although I definitely tested the boundaries. I deliberately made my teachers days harder, I snuck out to parties with my friends and was definitely drinking alcohol way before I should have been.

I met my first boyfriend at 15 and like most 15 year olds I thought that was my forever love. He turned out to be an absolute controlling MF and so 7 years later I left him and finally found myself. I partied my absolute ass off for a few years, I travelled, I took risks, I started businesses and I found my real forever love….and had his babies.

Now I’m in the midst of my third career change and as I reflect back on life I realise I was never normal. This is me.

We now begin the final few weeks in Darwin. Packing our house, catching up with our life long friends and hopefully scoring a bit of the dry season weather. This whole process though comes with a lot of fear but I know I just have to trust this process. Knowing that I am on the right path and although this new normal is looking a bit out there to most, it’s what I want to do.

I want to slow down, teach my kids to slow down and really just connect as a family. Without all the extra noise. That’s what Bali will be for us.

Our house has sold, the business will sell in May and as we pack up our belongings with no house, not much of an income and no place to be I feel a sense of being able to finally just breathe.